waiting

we are still waiting for your numbers to go down. you had a shot. i am not sure what it is. i need to look at my papers. i have been writing it all down. whatever the shot is, it has 10 people's something in it. i hate that. i don't want you to have to get help from donors. but if that is what makes you better then i don't care. your numbers go down and we get excited, then they go up again and i cry. daddy is at home with peyton. they can't wait for you to go home. your room is ready. and the bassinet is next to my side of the bed. we want you home baby. i miss you and your just down the hall. under those lights. youre such a good baby. you sleep all the time. i don't like some of the newborn nurses. i don't think they are qualified for working with a baby in your condition. the nicu nurses are great. they keep checking on you and so does the head nicu doctor. i love her. she comes and talks to me in the mornings. i wait in my room. i watch the clock, every three hours i get to feed you. they don't let me pick you up much. i have to feed you while you are laying down. so sad, but whatever works and gets you home. i will stay in the hospital as long as i can. i want to be with you even if it's just a few minutes at a time.

youre the biggest one in the nicu though. 7lbs! your the big boy in town. i love you jayden. i'm sorry my blood made you so sick.